The Reality Check

Every once in a while, we need to come down from our exciting, motivating high and realize that not everyone is ready for change, and that's okay! We all come from different lived experiences, with different motivations, and different goals, and it's impossible to make everyone happy all of the time.

This is my latest lesson. I am beginning to realize that my excitement to learn new things and to challenge myself in areas that may not seem to connect traditionally to my particular courses are not always seen as useful or helpful by others. I get it. And while I want to advocate for teachers to have choice and control over their PD, I also need to accept that not everyone sees things in the same way.

I always find that I have these conversations, and then I walk away, and five minutes later (or less) I wish I had said something else! I wish I could be better at explaining things in the moment, so that these conversational regrets or what-ifs wouldn't happen. Life would be so much easier if my brain could process things at the same rate as the conversation.

For example, I tried to explain to someone why I want to learn coding. For those that want to know my why: I want to learn it for me; I want to learn it so that I can become better at building sites and personalizing content; I want to learn it so that I can understand what people have done to make my phone work, or to make my blogger easy-ish to figure out. Behind every button, every app, every program is a language that I don't understand. I want to figure it out so that I can understand how to make changes, how to personalize and how I can become better at what I do.

I tried to explain it all, but I feel like I failed. I'm not good at explaining myself when things seem completely out of the blue or unconnected to others. I see the connection because I am the one that internalizes the connection, I am motivated by not understanding something. I also see value in the future of coding, and how it could make me more marketable, and how it helps students to develop transferrable skills, and a new way of problem solving/thinking. I see the value; I feel the motivation; but I can't explain it.

And it's conversations like that one (and many others) that make me wish I could more easily have thoughts that flow and form in a way that doesn't have me walking away and wishing I had said something else. Doesn't have to be about coding, it could really be about anything at all, but it happens, and it leaves me worrying about how people perceive me, and what opinions they are forming as a result.

I know that perception should seem insignificant, but it is such a challenge for me to overcome. How do I not care about how others see me? How do I let it go? How do I stop worrying about what other people think?

So today's reality check was multi-faceted: Not everyone is ready for change or motivated by PD; I'm still a long ways away from being able to communicate clearly and concisely; AND I have to learn to be okay with people not agreeing with me, or how they may perceive me. All in all, it's a reality check that sucks.

Any tips or tricks to share? Feel free to comment or send a message - any and all feedback is appreciated!